Dear Vincent
by sanctum-c
Summary: Letter found taped to the door of Vincent Valentine's apartment.


Dear Vincent,

You apologized as I flinched away from you, as I wriggled out of your embrace. I bet for the first time in your life Vincent, you actually looked bewildered, shocked. It would have been funnier if I wasn't so weirded out by the whole experience. I mean; I get it, Vincent. As you no doubt figured out years ago when we trailed all over the Planet, I had something of a crush on you. Oh, you were the dark, tortured soul, so in love with Lucrecia despite all the time that passed, after all your revenge, all the good you tried to do. I used to get that. I used to day-dream about running my fingers through your hair, wondering if you were actually a vampire. Would your hand be cold if I touched it? How about your lips? Your chest? Before that had a certain charm to it; a certain sense of the forbidden. Close and personal with a vampire, an immortal pretty boy who remained pleasantly cool.

Later I started thinking about that a bit too much. Until I realized just how cold you'd have to be. It sounds sexy until you really get down to it; room temperature doesn't sound too bad right? Ugh. Really not pleasant in another person. Wish I didn't know how cold a corpse's skin feels. 'Course; that's not you is it? You look pale and cold but you're warm. So warm. That was the first relief. For all my crushing on you, I could never even bring myself to check before. And then I worried; what would you want with me? The hyperactive kleptomaniac from Wutai. It wasn't until Meteorfall that I felt your hand for the first time and felt that warmth. That was the second relief. But you never moved on Vincent. I didn't see you for two years after Meteor; after we all split up. I hoped, really hoped when we got Avalanche back together again that you might have finally moved on.

But you didn't. You were still obsessed over Lucrecia. Still blaming yourself. She walked into those experiments, Vincent. As much as Hojo is not someone you want to kid around with - oh what am I saying, you can tell me more about him than I ever want to know about that weirdo. But you couldn't protect her because she never wanted or needed you too. She did that all on her own. Why could you never understand that? There's nothing to atone for, nothing to be forgiven for. You can throw your life away over her if you want; though what you'd get out of a relationship with a solid chunk of crystal I don't know. I don't want to either. I thought maybe things were different. Maybe talking to Shelke shook your head up enough to realize it wasn't good to keep on going. Maybe you will live forever. If so then maybe it seems fine to lose a year, ten years, a decade, a century mourning her. Not so good for your friends, Vincent.

Sorry. This got kinda personal didn't it? And I haven't even begun to explain myself. But I can't just leave Lucrecia out of it. I know you still think about her; even when you were trying to seduce me, you were just trying not to think about her. It's not like you aren't aware of other women. I've seen you look at Tifa in a more than friendly manner. And you always paid attention when Aeris spoke. And I know you think no one ever noticed, but you totally looked at Cid the same way. And I don't mind. Okay, so Cid I don't quite understand, but Tifa and Aeris? Yeah I can see it. But you're still comparing them and me back to her. And that's really not what anyone wants.

Anyway. You apologized and tried to explain yourself. You knew you did the wrong thing thinking about her. Your words didn't have quite the conviction I would have liked though. But I said sorry too, and Vincent? Please do not take this the wrong way. I would really love for you to forget about Lucrecia. Move on and find someone new. Obviously not Tifa. And probably not Cid (Shera would be unhappy). But also not me. And it might not have been obvious before - for either of us. But it's obvious to me now. That's just not my thing, Vincent. I'm not quite sure how to phrase it, but when you kissed me it was disappointing. It's not you though; at least I doubt it's you. I bet you were something of a ladies' man before? Oh. Or was it always Lucrecia forever?

Never mind. Point is; that kiss did nothing for me. I was expecting something so much more from what other people said. But it just wasn't there. And afterwards, I thought about it. I thought about kissing Cloud. I thought about kissing Tifa. Aeris, Reno, Cid, Reeve, Barret, Shera, Elena, Rude, Rufus. I thought about it, but I didn't really want to actually do it with anyone. I thought I did; look at all our friends - either in relationships or with significant pasts that stay with them - just like you. I thought I was supposed to do it too, but it just never seemed a priority like for you guys. I mean, I almost asked Cloud out on a date at the Gold Saucer. A date! What would that have been like? Would things have changed if I'd said something? But the moment passed and afterwards was not the time to bring it up, things just happened and I never got around to saying anything. I mean; I like Cloud. But when he got with Tifa, there wasn't anything there either? No disappointment or envy or anything. They paired up and I figured my turn would be sometime later. With someone else. Someone like you - maybe.

But now - I'm not sure I'm ever going to have a turn. And that's fine. I have friends. So many friends, all over the world. And I know we never speak as often as we do, and I know you really don't want me calling if you can help it, but I know if it came to it again, we'd all drop everything to go to each other. And I like that.

What I'm trying to get at here Vincent, is that things got weird between us and that's why I ran away. And now I wanted to explain myself with this. And I want to make clear; I don't want romance or anything or even an attempt at it. What I want is to just be friends without having this absurd crush on you. And I just want more friends - also without crushes. I don't want you or anyone else to take pity on poor, lonely Yuffie. I'm not lonely. Just because I don't take anyone to bed does not mean I'm crying myself to sleep each night.

So; Vincent. I'm sorry for not talking to you in person, but I needed to say all this in one go. This is who I am. I wasn't sure before, but you've helped me figure it out. So, thank you for that if nothing else. You've made clear something I could only wonder and worry about before. But please don't take it as a slight or a judgement on you as it's not. I'm sure you are a wonderful kisser and I'm sure - if you want of course - you'll find someone who wants to be with you.

I'll drop by in a few days; unless you call me and tell me not to. And I hope - if so - everything will be okay regardless.

Your friend,

Yuffie Kisaragi.

PS. I have borrowed your Knights of the Round materia.


End file.
